We Act from Our Larger Selves
As citizens we are at our best when we act from our larger selves. This is a “make-or-break” issue. We all have “larger selves” and we all have “smaller selves.” Our larger self is that part of us that is courageous, generous, hopeful, and committed to something bigger than ourselves. Our smaller self is that part of us that retreats into fear, doubt, or helplessness.
At this point in time we are called to act from our “larger selves” – because it matters. We are called to protect and improve our democratic institutions and processes as well as take on the big complex intimidating issues we face in our world. Acting from our larger selves doesn’t just help our democracy, it also changes how we experience our own lives and sense of well-being in the world.
Our larger selves are there and available to us – we just need to look for it and draw from it.
What’s Here
#1 Why Our Larger Selves are Required
#2 We Draw on the 5 Qualities at the Heart of Our Larger Selves
- We act from a sense of significance
- We call on our reservoir of courage
- We persevere and develop resilience
- We connect with others
- We offer grace to others and ourselves
#3 We Counter the Natural Seductive Lure of Acting from Our “Smaller Selves” – Becoming Subjects
#4 We Avoid the Two Natural Pitfalls to Acting from Our Larger Selves
- First, we avoid the “Aw Shucks Phenomenon”
- Then we avoid the “Competency Trap
#5 We Step Up Together to counter the Forces of Polarization and Find the Basic Ground on Which We Can Stand Together
Catch Your Thoughts At Any Time
#1 Why Our Larger Selves are Required
Being a democracy, particularly a diverse democracy is an extraordinary challenge. Being an effective citizen of a democracy is also an extraordinary challenge. It is much easier to just roll over and hand over the responsibility for our lives – individually and collectively – to an authoritarian “mommy” or “daddy” figure that will take care of us and make everything OK.
That authoritarian con is a false promise that has abused people over and over throughout human history. That con is a very strong lure when people do not feel strong and capable and are struggling with doubt and uncertainty. But it always – without exception – proves to be a false promise and always creates subjects who are victims vs. citizens that can self-govern.
There are times when citizenship doesn’t ask too much of us. We do not need to call on our larger selves and we can just live on the momentum created by others that came before us. Being a citizen is not very demanding in those times. That is clearly not the case now and the health of the American experiment will rely on a critical mass of Americans saying “yes” to being effective citizens – together.
At this point in time, we are challenged to be confident responsible “citizens” that make a difference – not weak insecure “subjects” that retreat into dependence. Even if we feel small, we can “play large.” Fortunately, the qualities required are there to a surprising degree if we call for them. We just need to step up and start.
To protect the American experiment in democracy we must act from a sense that we can make a difference, even if we don’t know exactly how or what difference we can make when we start. We just need to step up and start. We can stand upon the foundation blocks of American Greatness that we have inherited in order to draw upon our best – and we can find new “bests” in the process.
Our larger selves give us the confidence to also take on the big tough issues any generation faces as well as the security to transcend our differences and sacrifice for the common good – just as the founders did and as Americans have over the past 250 years when called upon.
Note. Some people simply live in their smaller selves and there is little chance for them to change. They are simply lost and have no realistic chance to choose to be a citizen vs. being a subject. This 32% of Americans (Pew Research 2024) will just be dependent subjects and will actively or passively act to support authoritarians in ruling us. That means that the health of the American experiment in democracy will rely on a critical mass of the other 68% of Americans actively protecting and improving our democracy.
#2 We Draw on the 5 Qualities at the Heart of Our Larger Selves
The five elements that follow combine to provide the heart of the larger selves that we can draw upon to support us as citizens. They look different for everyone, but they are common to any effective citizen of a democracy.
We already possess most of them to varying degrees and we can develop each one as we act as citizens – making a difference by protecting and developing our democratic institutions and processes as well as taking on the big complex intimidating issues we face in our world.
1. We Act from a Sense of Significance – a sense of purpose, a commitment to a set of values and core principles – and a belief that we each have something to offer that can make a difference. We act from a belief that there are things that must be done and that we can do them or contribute to their accomplishment – that we matter and what we do matters,
2. We Call on Our Courage – our willingness to act despite fear, discomfort, pain, danger or adversity in order to do the right thing – to stand up for our convictions. Sometimes that means being bold and sometimes it just means putting one foot in front of the other – acting quietly and persistently.
Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the ability to act from a sense of significance in spite of the fear. Fear or anxiety will naturally be there if we venture outside of our comfort zones to rise above the ordinary and be effective citizens of a democracy.
The goal is not to eliminate fear. It is to recognize that some things are worth confronting our fears and drawing on our courage to do so – growing in the process.
So, we draw on our courage to complement our sense of significance and sustain us as we make a difference – over time. We have surprising reservoirs of courage. We just need to draw on those reservoirs and act.
3. We Persevere, We Don’t Waver and We Develop Resilience – The challenges we face are not short-term, so we “Hold the Course”, despite the inevitable setbacks and disappointments. And, because our challenges are complex, we “learn the way” based on our experience because there is no precedent or roadmap.
We bounce back from the natural and inevitable setbacks, injuries, and failures – stronger and wiser and more flexible than before the setback or failure. We either “win or learn” and we don’t ever quit or back down.
We continue to develop our capacity to adapt, to recover, and to grow in the face of stress or adversity. We have “grit” and an indomitable spirit and can endure and even thrive under intense long-term pressure. We just get stronger and smarter and wiser – more and more resilient.
4. We Connect with Others – we connect with other individuals, with groups and networks, and with organizations. We can act on our own and make a significant difference. We can also act with others to take on the complex systemic issues that are beyond us as individuals. There are three main reasons why connecting with others is so important.
First, it is important to get support from others – and provide support to others. Even being connected to one or two other individuals in expressing our larger selves can make all the difference.
Second, we also connect with groups and organizations that share our values and principles and are working to bring about healthy systemic change – either the protection and improvement of our democratic processes and institutions or taking on the big, tough, intimidating issues we face in our world These organizations need engaged committed citizens and we need them.
Third, success requires a high degree of unity on core principles across a diverse group of people. A healthy democracy does not require that everyone agree on everything. But it does require enough trust, respect, and shared commitments that people with diverse backgrounds and perspectives can work together toward common goals. Building that base of solidarity is one of the most powerful things that a democracy can do.
5. We Offer Grace Towards Others and Our Selves. Grace is one of the quiet strengths of our larger selves – and one of the most underappreciated civic virtues. One definition of grace is unearned kindness, mercy, dignity, patience, and generosity, especially under strain or offense. Grace towards others, and ourselves, means recognizing and accepting imperfections and mistakes as part of the human journey. And grace provides the common ground required for us to be able to stand together with all of our differences and limits – and still effectively take on the challenges we face as citizens.
Life is tough and being a committed effective citizen of a democracy is exceptionally tough. But we can’t expect perfection, and we can’t afford to have people succumb to feeling small and inadequate because of struggles, misperceptions, mistakes, or stumbles. And we must tolerate being outside our comfort zones and have the courage to commit and take risks and grow. That requires extending grace to ourselves – and to others who face the same challenge.
In protecting and improving our democratic institutions and processes – as well as taking on the big tough issues we face in the world – we will inevitably make mistakes and may sometimes act from our smaller selves – including being at least temporarily taken in by the false promises of authoritarians. We must immediately extend grace to ourselves and get right back to acting from our larger selves.
Showing grace to others does not mean accepting destructive behaviors or a lack of accountability. What it does mean is keeping the door open to growing and acting from people’s larger selves. Grace keeps relationships alive and provides surprising common ground.
Without grace to ourselves we are lost. Without grace towards others, we are split and isolated and have little or no influence. Showing grace – kindness, mercy, dignity, patience, and generosity – is truly acting from our larger selves and helps us grow in the process. Grace complements all of the other aspects of our larger selves.
#3 We Counter the Natural Seductive Lure of Acting from Our “Smaller Selves” - Becoming Subjects
Our smaller selves are powered by fear, by feeling weak, anxious, doubting, insecure, and by having little faith in our own abilities or those of our fellow citizens to meet life’s challenges and govern ourselves. Our smaller selves whisper that we are powerless, that someone else should take responsibility, or that we should simply withdraw and be passive. These are the qualities that the authoritarians prey upon and reinforce in order to create dependent “subjects.”
Our smaller selves are characterized by victimhood, grievances, the fear of “others” and a lack of confidence in our ability to carry the responsibility of governing ourselves. When we retreat to our smaller selves we basically fall victim to a strong sense of needing to be taken care of – to be dependent – to be subjects, not citizens. It is fundamentally a belief that we can’t take care of ourselves and need a “savior.” To maintain our status as citizens and not slide into being subjects and name it for what it is and simply refuse to cower.
We all experience moments when we feel discouraged, overwhelmed , or discouraged. That’s just part of being human. The important issue isn’t whether these moments appear – they will – it’s whether we allow them to determine how we see ourselves and how we act.
To be “citizens” and not “subjects” we must directly acknowledge and counter the natural draw of giving up and retreating. Retreating into our smaller selves – giving in to doubts, a lack of confidence in ourselves and each other as well as confidence in our democratic processes and institutions. And we must manage the natural desire for an image of certainty and order – regardless of how empty that image always is.
The authoritarian forces are relying on their ability to make Americans feel small and weak and unable to care for themselves or each other- being diminished, giving up, and becoming dependent “subjects.”
The authoritarian forces looking to prey on us do not want us acting from our larger selves as “citizens.” They want us acting from our smaller selves as “subjects.” They want us standing on the sidelines watching passively or cowering and bowing down.
#4 We Avoid the Two Natural Pitfalls to Acting from Our Larger Selves
Beyond the general lure of our smaller selves are two specific and very natural traps that we need to avoid or they will pull us down into our smaller selves. They are surprisingly common and surprisingly powerful. They can keep us on the sidelines as subjects, However, they can both be countered relatively easily and effectively if we take them on directly.
First, We Avoid the “Aw Shucks” Phenomenon
This one sneaks up on us dressed as humility. But it isn’t humility. It comes from our smaller selves and an excuse to stay on the sidelines. We are not helpless or inadequate. We are people of significance and perfectly capable of acting now – drawing on the personal or professional strengths we have developed – being citizens, not subjects
Falling prey to the “aw shucks” phenomenon is evidenced by the following thoughts or statements.
- “Aw shucks, I don’t really know much about countering authoritarians, protecting our democracy or taking on the big tough intimidating issues in our world.”
- “Aw shucks, I don’t really bring much to the effort.
- “Aw shucks, I don’t really know how to go about even getting in the game.”
- “Aw shucks, I don’t think I have much to offer.”
- “Aw shucks, I’m not really connected to anyone doing this work.”
- “Aw shucks, I don’t even know the first steps to take.”
- “Aw shucks, people won’t really want me involved.”
- “Aw shucks, I’m just……………”
- “Aw shucks, I’m not…………..”
The “Aw Shucks’” phenomenon is real. And unfortunately, it is pretty natural and very powerful.
- It provides an excuse to avoid engaging at all
- It provides an excuse to stay on the sidelines preparing
- It provides an excuse to be a “toe dipper” or to withdraw at the first sign of frustration or setback
- It’s contagious and easily infects others – and groups can collude in using it as an excuse to avoid engaging (consciously or unconsciously)
The “Aw Shucks” phenomenon naturally diminishes us and undermines our “larger selves.” We can easily end up observing vs. engaging. That trap must be seen and countered, “I see you and you won’t determine how I act.”
We are note helpless or inadequate. We are people of significance and perfectly capable of acting now – drawing on the personal or professional strengths we have developed – being citizens and not subjects.
Second, We Avoid the “Competency Trap”
The Competency Trap is a close cousin to the “Aw Shucks Phenomenon” and just as sneaky. The competency trap is getting caught in preparing ourselves to get in the game to such an extent that we never really get off the sidelines. We prepare on the sidelines to be competent, but never get in the game, so authoritarians win by default.
Preparing to act matters. Learning matters. Developing skills matters. But there comes a point where preparing to act simply becomes a way of postponing action.
Feeling anxious about not being fully prepared is natural and it does need to be addressed. The fear of being incompetent – and maybe making things worse – is one of the sneakiest barriers to acting and it is very real and quite natural. But, we can acknowledge these dynamics and not be deterred by them if we act from our larger selves. The key is to commit to action without feeling fully prepared and completely “ready.”
There are two reasons why this works:
1. We Naturally Bring Most of the Needed Capabilities
We probably bring anywhere from 70-90% of the competencies required to be effective citizens simply because we have developed personal and professional competencies throughout our lives. For example we know how to solve problems. We know how to communicate. We know how to listen, encourage, and get things done. So, the key is to identify and rely on those competencies. We then develop new competencies and understanding– mostly as we act and get in the game.
We can always be more prepared, but that can be a trap, so we trust that we have developed plenty of competencies to begin acting and draw on the qualities of our larger selves to make a difference.
2. We Can Develop the Other Capabilities we Need “on the Path”
Those 10-30% of competencies are important, but we aren’t starting from scratch, and we don’t need to be expert at everything to make a difference. Plus, most of the new competencies will be developed faster and better while we are in action vs. trying to develop them on the sidelines. We have developed competencies throughout life and can accelerate that development for the most important competencies, particularly if we develop them with others.
Our best approach is to discover the needed competencies with a sense of excitement, anticipation, and confidence (our larger selves). This is a major and never-ending challenge simply because there is so much for us to discover about our world and ourselves. And it can even be energizing and rewarding, particularly if we are engaged with others.
If we fall prey to too much doubt, anxiety, or feeling inadequate (our smaller selves) we can end up paralyzed, diminished and of little use. It really is a choice and well within our control, so we need to act from our larger selves and take the next step – and that is all that is required.
#5 We Step Up Together to Counter the Forces of Polarization and Find the Basic Ground on Which We Can Stand Together
This does not mean ignoring our differences, but it does mean being willing to find the way to go beyond them to do what we need to do together – now – to protect the American experiment.
Diverse democracies are tough to build and maintain by their very nature. This is another reason why the American experiment won’t survive “ordinary.” We are tasked with transcending our inevitable differences to take on the tough challenges we face that require a high degree of solidarity. This has always been a central challenge of democracies, and it isn’t easy.
Americans have always had serious differences, and we have handled those differences well at times and at other points we have fallen painfully short.
Now is a time when we need to acknowledge and honor our differences and the extraordinary challenges they present us with – and find ways to build on them to protect our democracy – as well as take on the tough complex issues we face in our world. Fortunately that is a challenge within our reach. It is within the reach of millions of American citizens deciding day after day to act from their larger selves.
We choose our larger selves. We step forward. We invite others to join us and do the same.